Fucking Foul Beyond All Human Imagining

If you have a weak stomach or are easily grossed out please dont read this post.  You have been warned.

There are certain rights of passage one experiences as an adult.  After today, I would argue that cleaning the refrigerator is one of them.  Today, I have learned the importance of refrigerator cleaning and maintenance.  It’s been quite a while since I cleaned the fridge.  Today just happened to be the day it got done.  There was ice in the top right hand corner.  Lots of ice.  Chris used a hammer and screwdriver to get it out.  After that was done I thought I’d wipe it out.  You know, just to have the job done proper and get things clean.  I will admit that there was some pinkish/orange slime mold that I had neglected for a while.  That did not in any way shape or form prepare me for the foulness that was lying in wait under the crisper drawers in the bottom.  The bottom layer was comprised of water and onion skin.  Above that was a layer of mold, black as a black hole, finally, above that, was white furry mold, floating like foam on a sea of moldy foulness.

I was horrified.  I had no idea that was lying on the bottom of my fridge.  It was beyond imagining and I’m very much surprised it didnt attain sentience, come alive and try to come after me and the cat for a late night snack.  There was much cursing.  Fortunately, the Universe smiled on me and it had no smell.  A couple of towels I decided I could part with took care of a portion of it.  Then hot water and bleach did the rest.

Never in my adult life have I experienced something so foul and I have experience some foul things.  Once when I was a kid my brother refused to take the garbage out.  Every day for nearly a week in the summer (this is Iowa remember.  90 degrees and 90% humidity) my Dad told him to do it and every day he refused.  Finally, after it started to smell to high heaven, it finally was thrown out.  In the bottom of the bin was garbage water full of maggots.  I couldnt take it and had major dry heaves, which my Dad and brother promptly laughed at and made fun of.  (Oh the scars of childhood).  I’ve also lived with boys who did not feel the need to clean up after themselves.  Use your imagination for that one.

I sincerely hope in my adult life to never have such intimate knowledge of disgusting foulness in my fridge again.  Hopefully, I can keep to it and not go through this again.  It’s nearly 2 and I’m waiting for 2 more hours for the bar around the corner to open so I can get a nice Bombay Sapphire gin martini, dry, slightly dirty as liquid aid to get over this right of passage further into adulthood.

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2 Responses to Fucking Foul Beyond All Human Imagining

  1. bells says:

    Well, that made for pleasant reading.

    Actually it served as a timely reminder that my fridge probably needs cleaning. thanks!

  2. JulieT says:

    I had a visiting friend once spill about a pint of juice out of a jar of kimchee (pickled cabbage) down the inside of my fridge and not tell me. Took about a month to track down what the smell was. The cleaning job then was fucking foul, too.

    Welcome to adulthood. Mostly it sucks here. But no one tells us what to do.

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