Now that C’s been gone 4 months, things here have calmed down a lot. I’m rediscovering sleep and music. It sounds kind of silly, but it’s true.
Sleep was driven away in the last 2+ years. I’d be awake most of the night most nights or up 3 days in a row. I’d wake up at 2 or 3 and couldnt get back to sleep. When that happened I’d read or knit or lie in bed. Sometimes, when I was at C’s, I’d turn on the tv to a low volume and try to doze off. After C was living with me I slept on the sofa more than in bed. On sleepless nights I’d put on headphones, put something on my computer and try to drift. The most difficult nights were weeping nights. Being confined to the bathroom to weep so I wouldnt be heard was a hardship I do not want to live through again. It got so bad at one point, I taught myself a new way to cry. I learned to breathe into my sobs and let tears quietly leak out. I didnt have to worry about being discovered and yelled at or berated.
Fortunately, that time is over. I hope I learned my lesson because it’s one I do not want to repeat. Ever.
Sleep and I are getting reacquainted. I forgot how nice it is to sleep. I forgot how nice it is to not wake up several times, to wake up at 2AM and be up, or to wake up with the need to weep. Sleep and I are doing a little dance together right now. Some nights I need help from Xanax, some nights I dont. I’m glad I asked my Dr. for it now though. I can take it and still dream. I can take it and not feel drugged all day the next day. I’m rediscovering how lovely it is to lie in bed, lazy on a Saturday or Sunday morning. The new bed and I are getting along just fine. It’s so nice to wake up and not have fuzzy cat butt in my face. Claire is a bed hog. Make no mistake about that. She doesnt like to be disturbed from hogging the bed either. With a bigger bed, she has more room to hog, but I have space too.
Music and I are getting reacquainted too. Even before C came to live with me just over a year ago, I had forgotten how much I like music. I had forgotten how much I like different kinds of music. Folk, Jazz, Pop, Electronic, Soul, Willie Nelson. I love Willie Nelson so much he gets his own category. He could be my boyfriend!
I ended up explaining to Hawkeye this weekend why I like folk so much. Not just folk as in Peter, Paul, & Mary or Pete Seeger, but old timey folk. I recently found my copy of “Anthology of American Folk” and it’s gotten a lot of play. I like folk in part because the songs preserve part of American culture that is easily forgotten in this day and age. With songs about Cole Younger, the Titanic, Charles Guiteau (pronounced giteaux), Casey Jones, and John Henry, the songs tell stories about our history. Froggie Went A-Courtin‘ has been sung since the late 1500’s and is thought to be about Mary Queen of Scots. I grew up singing some of these songs. I like the simple instrumentation. Many of the songs feature the guitar, banjo, fiddle, and accordian. The recordings were made before auto tune and mixing boards and looping. I like the simple vocals too. I’ll leave off tonight with a couple of my favourites: King Kong Kitchie Kitchie Ki-Me-O, which is fun to say and is a version of Froggie Went A-Courtin’ and Little Moses, sung by The Carter Family